Dr. Paul Conti: How to Build and Maintain Healthy Relationships | Huberman Lab Guest Series

This is episode 3 of a 4-part special series on mental health with Dr. Paul Conti, M.D., a psychiatrist who did his medical training at Stanford School of Medicine and residency at Harvard Medical School. He is the author of the book, “Trauma: The Invisible Epidemic.” Dr. Conti explains how to find, develop and strengthen healthy relationships — including romantic relationships, work and colleague relationships, and friendships. He explains a roadmap of the conscious and unconscious mind that can allow anyone to navigate conflicts better and set healthy boundaries in relationships. We also discuss common features of unhealthy relationships and clinically supported tools for dealing with relationship insecurity, excessive anxiety, past traumas, manipulation and abuse. Dr. Conti explains how, in healthy relationships, there emerges a dynamic of the mutually generative “us” and how to continually improve that dynamic. The next episode in this special series explores true self-care, which can be cultivated through a process of building self-awareness along with other important practices.

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Dr. Paul Conti
Website: https://drpaulconti.com
Pacific Premier Group: https://pacificpremiergroup.com
Trauma: The Invisible Epidemic: How Trauma Works and How We Can Heal From It: https://amzn.to/3GVLHXw
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-paul-m-conti-845074216

Resources
Guest Series | Dr. Paul Conti: How to Understand & Assess Your Mental Health (Episode 1): https://hubermanlab.com/guest-series-dr-paul-conti-how-to-understand-and-assess-your-mental-health
Guest Series | Dr. Paul Conti: How to Improve Your Mental Health (Episode 2): https://hubermanlab.com/guest-series-dr-paul-conti-how-to-improve-your-mental-health
The Iceberg Model: https://hubermanlab.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/09/The-Iceberg-Model.pdf
Pillars of Mental Health: https://hubermanlab.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/09/Pillars-of-Mental-Health.pdf

Timestamps
00:00:00 Build Healthy Relationships
00:02:04 Sponsors: BetterHelp & Waking Up
00:05:01 Healthiest Self in Relationships
00:10:51 Structure & Function of Self
00:15:44 Relationships, Levels of Emergence
00:22:48 Generative Drive in Relationships
00:35:00 Sponsor: AG1
00:36:26 Generative Drive, Aggressive Drive, Pleasure Drive
00:45:16 Romantic Relationships & Matched Generative Drives, Trauma Bonds
00:53:05 Generative Drive Expression, Libido, Giving & Taking
01:04:29 Sponsor: Eight Sleep
01:05:50 Generative Drive in Partnerships
01:11:16 Libido, Avoidance & Working through Barriers
01:18:02 Repeating Bad Relationship Patterns, Repetition Compulsion
01:29:23 Narcissism, Dependence, Attachment Insecurity
01:34:10 Abusive Relationships, Demoralization
01:39:37 Oppressors, Darkness, Hope & Change
01:48:08 Work Relationships, Oppression & Accountability
01:53:53 Jealousy vs. Envy, Narcissism
01:59:13 Power Dynamics in Relationships
02:05:54 Giving vs. Taking in Relationships
02:09:39 Transactions & Relationships; Family & Generative Drive; Flexibility
02:19:47 Relationships & Kindergarten
02:23:04 Anxiety in Relationships, Communication
02:31:32 The “Magic Bridge of the Us”
02:37:09 Mentalization, Getting into Another’s Mindset; Navigating Conflict
02:46:51 Healthy Boundaries
02:52:08 Self-Awareness, Mentalization
02:55:28 “Broken Compass” & Self Inquiry, “Map” Analogy
03:02:25 Zero-Cost Support, YouTube Feedback, Spotify & Apple Reviews, Sponsors, Social Media, Momentous, Neural Network Newsletter

Title Card Photo Credit: Mike Blabac – https://www.blabacphoto.com

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